Posts Tagged ‘ self-awareness ’

I go there to take a break

I GO THERE TO TAKE A BREAK
I GO THERE TO AVOID DOING THINGS
I GO THERE TO FORGET, BUT END UP REMEMBERING
I GO THERE TO REMEMBER, BUT END UP FORGETTING
I GO THERE TO GET A LAUGH, BUT SOMETIMES I AM DISGUSTED
I GO THERE TO WATCH OTHER PEOPLE
I GO THERE TO BE WATCHED
I GO THERE TO BROWSE, BUT END UP BEING TOLD WHAT I “LIKE”
I GO THERE TO CONNECT
I GO THERE TO DISCONNECT
I GO THERE FOR DIALOGUE, BUT END UP TALKING TO MY SELF
I GO THERE TO ESCAPE, BUT END UP MAKING NEW FRIENDS
I GO THERE TO PROCRASTINATE
I GO THERE TO LEARN
I GO THERE TO LOSE MY SELF, BUT OFTEN FIND MY SELF
I GO THERE TO FIND MY SELF, BUT OFTEN LOSE MY SELF

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Remember when…

:: I remember saying that if I joined Facebook, I would not solicit Friends beyond the people I am currently in contact with. Well, whadya know… I am now searching for long-lost childhood friends. Just when I think I’ve searched for all of them, another one comes to mind. I find myself stopping whatever it is I am doing on my computer to go into Fbook to see if I can find them. After awhile it becomes a game of sorts, a scavenger hunt. What is the drive behind this quest? I don’t think it’s to start up new conversations necessarily….I say this because of my lack of ability to stay up to date with the people I hang out with on a regular basis. I was a bit obsessed for awhile, but the obsession has worn off now. I imagine this is why I haven’t been “searched out” for as much as I thought I would be…everyone else has been on FB for at least a couple of years, thus the novelty of the search has worn off. [Paranoid self: “Or maybe they could give a rat’s ass about me?”]

What is this developmental phase of FB?………………

< Is it curiosity? [What has become of them? Where are they living and what are they doing?] > Is it nostalgia? [Remember when we used to make igloos in the school yard? Remember that smurf-themed birthday party I had?] > Is it voyeurism? [Why don’t I just click on all their photos without friending them? If I’m not sending personal messages, why do I need to know what they are doing on a weekly basis?] > Is it ego-driven? [Why won’t they accept my Friend request?] >

:: I remember saying that if I joined Facebook, I would either be on it too much or never — another one of my all-or-nothing self identifying characteristics. Because Selfpost adheres to a project manifesto that requires me to bare all for others to view, I self-monitor how well I am following the guidelines. Because of the manifesto, I am reaching out to acquaintances and friends to an extent that I would normally not embrace. And I’m getting something back in return...a connection between past selves and present selves, the far and the recent past, a sense of warmth, and a sense of being part of something.

from Within the Flickering web

“I feel this visual design (of television) has been carried over to the world wide web where the entire animated computer screen has become one image in itself, pulling its users in all sorts of directions analogous to the aesthetics of channel surfing.” (see Interrupting the Program; May, 2000)

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I now immerse my self in the web aesthetics of the social network to be exposed to the collective experience. I then work within the structure of this blog, rather than separating myself from the artistic restrictions of the online system. I choose to embrace and utilize the technical limitations of the program, perhaps to encourage more critical awareness of the network itself…from within rather than from the outside looking in. I move constantly back and forth between the giving of myself over to the process of becoming (Munster, 2001) and the self/critical reflection I pursue. There is constant danger of losing my self to the flickering (Hayles, 1993) rhythm of this powerful digital medium….

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