Posts Tagged ‘ searching ’

self_(re)search

Rewound

[always searching]…[always searching]…[always searching]…[always searching]…

media narrative === cut —> loop —> link

Remember when…

:: I remember saying that if I joined Facebook, I would not solicit Friends beyond the people I am currently in contact with. Well, whadya know… I am now searching for long-lost childhood friends. Just when I think I’ve searched for all of them, another one comes to mind. I find myself stopping whatever it is I am doing on my computer to go into Fbook to see if I can find them. After awhile it becomes a game of sorts, a scavenger hunt. What is the drive behind this quest? I don’t think it’s to start up new conversations necessarily….I say this because of my lack of ability to stay up to date with the people I hang out with on a regular basis. I was a bit obsessed for awhile, but the obsession has worn off now. I imagine this is why I haven’t been “searched out” for as much as I thought I would be…everyone else has been on FB for at least a couple of years, thus the novelty of the search has worn off. [Paranoid self: “Or maybe they could give a rat’s ass about me?”]

What is this developmental phase of FB?………………

< Is it curiosity? [What has become of them? Where are they living and what are they doing?] > Is it nostalgia? [Remember when we used to make igloos in the school yard? Remember that smurf-themed birthday party I had?] > Is it voyeurism? [Why don’t I just click on all their photos without friending them? If I’m not sending personal messages, why do I need to know what they are doing on a weekly basis?] > Is it ego-driven? [Why won’t they accept my Friend request?] >

:: I remember saying that if I joined Facebook, I would either be on it too much or never — another one of my all-or-nothing self identifying characteristics. Because Selfpost adheres to a project manifesto that requires me to bare all for others to view, I self-monitor how well I am following the guidelines. Because of the manifesto, I am reaching out to acquaintances and friends to an extent that I would normally not embrace. And I’m getting something back in return...a connection between past selves and present selves, the far and the recent past, a sense of warmth, and a sense of being part of something.

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